Daybook No. 74

Outside my window:

Another sparkling Fall day. Well, OK, it’s the first full day of Fall, but yesterday was gorgeous too. I got to sit on my back porch with a drink and a book and it was amazingly awesome.

Wearing::

My PJs. Late start this morning–stomach wanted more sleep, stomach got more sleep.

Reading::

OK, so this week in The Artist’s Way, we’re not supposed to be reading. Um, yeah…..so I’m trying to “cut down” on my reading. The idea is that artists can use reading as a crutch to avoid doing other things. And yeah, there are times when I’m so guilty of that. So what I’m trying this week is “intentional reading”. As in, not just reading to avoid doing other things, but as a reward (not the best word, but it’s all that’s coming to me right now) for doing the other things. The only places where I’m keeping my reading “as is” is before I go to bed, and at the gym. Since I don’t have the CI adapter for my iPhone yet, I can’t listen to music, so I read, and I go harder when I do it. Strange but true.

And I went to the library yesterday and grabbed a whole haul of books, so I’m reading those. When I go to the library I just grab what looks good to me. So yesterday I read a biography of Gypsy Rose Lee, and two books on eating that were diametrically opposed to one another: The Engine 2 Diet and The Primal Connection. I liked the latter much better. Today I’m starting Palisades Park. Still reading Summa of the Summa, of course.

Creativity::
The Artist’s Way tasks, and learning the music for Hello, Dolly! I think we’re supposed to be off book this weekend, so I’m working on getting myself there.

Pondering::

Belief in God, and how that shapes your life.

I belong to a lung transplant group on Facebook, and I often see people over there saying things like “I was DETERMINED to control my destiny and my health! And so I did and I would do anything to keep on living!” or, “I believe that I control my health and my destiny”, or things of that nature.

All of these things make me pause. First, I love my life. But at some point–we’re all going to die. This should not be shocking to anyone. You’re born, you die. Circle of Life. (Cue Elton John) I am not willing to do anything to stay alive. For example, at this point, I wouldn’t consider a third transplant. A second, yes. A third, no. To me, a third seems selfish and sort of desperate. So many people are waiting for that first transplant, and you want a third? There’s also a lot of medical reasons: Your aorta is only so long. The more transplants you have, the more scar tissue, the more antibodies in your body (which make you harder to match to another set of organs), and the more trauma your body has been through.

I would much rather live my life, set things in order peacefully and calmly, then wait for a third call.

Life is wonderful, yes, but it’s not forever.

As for controlling health and destiny: well, health, to a certain extent, yes. Not entirely. If you think you can entirely prevent yourself from getting sick, you dwell in crazy land.

Destiny? No. You know who controls my life? God does. I don’t control it. I don’t even know what’s going to happen tomorrow. I have no idea. God controls my destiny. God knows when I’m going to die, and he knows everything that’s going to happen before then. My job is to cooperate with His plan for my life. If I went around thinking I controlled my destiny, I’d go crazy.

Yes, we control certain things. But big picture? That’s God’s domain. Far too many people blame Him for things they shouldn’t blame Him for, and far too many people think that they control things that are only in His hands.

I don’t have my book with me, but there’s a really good part in Outlander where Claire prays for Jamie; they’re in the French abbey and Jamie is close to death. She goes into the chapel, where the Host is in the monstrance for adoration, and she prays, “Lord, I commend to you your servant James” over and over. There, she realizes a way that might save him; but she realizes it in prayer, after she’s surrendered the person she loves completely to God.

It’s not just in transplant group where I see this. I see this every day in other people, and I’m sure you do, too. If I’ve learned one thing in my life, it’s that God is in control, not me. And praise Jesus for that! (Most of the time. 😉 )

Around the house::

(Back to the boring, eh?)

Cleaning, the normal stuff. Thursday has become my “cleaning” day since that’s an off day for the gym.

In the kitchen::

I made pea and mint soup last night, which was fun to make, but only so so in the taste department. Tonight it’s a Moroccan fish dish for dinner and a salad for lunch.

Plans for the week::

Gym today and W, and Fri and Sat.

Dinner with my brother tomorrow

A friend’s fundraiser on Thursday (he’s running for a county position)

Dolly rehearsals this weekend, and CCD on Sunday

 

 

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s